Joe Emory's journel

[Emory.]

 Today i learned that my best friend Hans is dead those bastards killed him in cold blood heard that he turned himself in you think they would spare is life. I remember when i met Hans It was some city in Germany City 10 11 maybe i don't know. He was the only friend i really had. I went  in do d6 the checkpoint they had at the entrance brought bad memory's. To think i used to be trying up people at checkpoints ironic really. I'm going to find the asshole that killed him and im going to kick his ass.  -Joe Emory

[Scratchie]

I'm sorry, but this is poor.  Grammar, spelling, detail all seem to be missing.  But improvement can be made.  Take a look at this example (haven't really kept up reading the IC Logs so wouldn't be able to provide a more recent example, but this is by far the best I have seen ever.)

A few points to look at:
- This is IC, so include details.  See the example and how it has pencil scratches.
- Detail detail detail.  You can never have too much detail.  In the example, both days had a good amount of detail and explanations.  In reality that was no more than 3-5 minutes in game.  Detail is where everything lies.
- Grammar, spelling, and canon knowledge are all important.  You are literally "writing" this as your character.  Make sure you have good spelling and grammar, because without it (and proper capitalization and punctuation) it makes it difficult to read.  By working on improving it for this you will also improve your skill in game and in real life by watching for it.  And "canon knowledge" is twopart.  Firstly is what your character knows and how he acts, i.e. would he really say "asshole" and "kick his ass"?  And detracting from grammar, write these like your character would.  If he would use slang, use slang.  Second is literally knowledge of canon, what is happening in the game.

Again, just use the example and improve on the mentioned parts.  I would recommend keeping only one character log active while you improve.  I will keep an eye on ya, keep giving tips and stuff.  You have potential and with practice and improvement you can be a name to remember in the CG HL2RP server.

[Emory.]

Day 2

I woke up today from a nightmare .I could hear there screams jenkens,ramirez all of them but every night is a nightmare now ever since that day. I put on my cloths and headed down stares and out of the building to the depressing alleyway. I thought about how this place used to be happy and peaceful.It its hard to imagine that anyway was peaceful once ever since the combine came they took that peace from us.I headed to Hans store and  Opened the door and went in.


Later that day Chloe  came in i did not talk for long There was this black man watching us i did not feel like Dealing with it so i left and closed the store.I went back to my apartment i was really tired did not get much sleep last night. I took a nap and slept well i woke up later and decided  to go in the tunnels.It was really dark I could not see a thing so i went back. near the exit to the tunnels i found some men sitting and talking i just walked past them.There were hiding from the cp's i think. I went back to the d6 apartment and found Chloe I asked her what was going on and she did not know.


I took a walk in d6 and found Charles and some Asian.He seemed like a jerk trying to look smart.They talked for a while and i found out Charles tried to kill himself they walked to the exit to d1 and came near a small ledge He told him this is were he tried to kill himself.He was trying to be smart and said that it could not hurt you and he jumped and he was ok. I really wanted him to break his legs.  it would  have been funny. A scanner came and started taking  pictures. I told the scanner to tell his cp buddy's to fuck off. I bet there pissed now. We went to the shop and planed a trap. I abandon thinking it would just piss em off. I went back to my apartment and stayed there for the rest of the day. -Joe Emory.   

[Blue Haze]

// Just a tip, treat forum posts in the IC section as if it's in-game. // before out-of-character (or story) comments. It helps stop confusion.

[Cmdo. C. Delcora [No. 7]]

Editing before you post helps a lot.