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Messages - ?AG-CL? Sheo
1
« on: July 10, 2012, 10:13:38 AM »
July 10th, 2016
Well. Another day at work. Another few people dead, and for some reason, I'm so damn numb to it I can't make myself shed tears anymore.. Reminds me of that conversation I had with Holmes. "To succeed in the path you've chosen, you must and will become a sociopath."
That's what he said. Or at least, something like it. At the time, I didn't understand what he meant. I was afraid to change. I wanted to stay me, I was afraid of becoming a monster. Of being like the very people I truly harbor hate for.. I've served the CCA for quite awhile now... I can barely remember my days as a citizen. But I remember my innocence. My naive beliefs of right and wrong, and how stubborn I was to change...
And how afraid I was of that change... Comparing myself to who I used to be.. It feels strange. Knowing that if ordered to, I would kill a person, exactly like who I used to be. It leaves me to wonder who am I? If my beliefs of right and wrong have faded, what do I believe in now?
The only answer I've come up with, is that I'm a weapon. A weapon to be wielded in some of the most violent and horrific ways, for the greater good...
It's not a good enough answer, yet I do not feel for any of my targets, I do not care for collateral damage. A weapon does not feel. A weapon does not care. A weapon destroys and will always destroy so long as the person wielding it continues to do so, or until the weapon breaks, or becomes outdated the way the sword became outdated to the rifle...
But if I'm going to be a weapon, I suppose I'm going to be a damn good one... In the meantime, I'm going to try and find something that's important to me again... Something to remind myself that I'm human.
2
« on: July 06, 2012, 04:06:55 AM »
*A small, neat post-it note with a small circular coffee stain on the bottom right hand corner is pressed directly underneath the last note.*
Don't make us find you.
-Your local Combine Civil Authority.
3
« on: July 05, 2012, 07:59:24 PM »
July 5th, 2016,
Managed to get my datapad fixed. Well, I didn't. GRID did though. Haven't managed to get much accomplished at work, other than managing to fuck up the simplest of things... I could blame it on the stress, but that'd mean that I was incapable of pulling my weight at my rank, and that I was some sort of inferior breed in my colleague's eyes... No, I'll go with the excuse that I'm a stupid, slow learner. Better to be though of as stupid, but capable than it is to be thought of as stupid and incapable.
I need to train more... Having my manifest be a sea of red is just damn embarrassing for being in my position.
I hate the day-to-day sometimes. Makes me want to pull my own hair out, which is ironic because that's a symptom of nervous schizophrenia, which would also end as me being thought of as incapable...
Leaves me with the thought... What am I going to do next? Fuck up yet again, or do something right to prove that I wasn't a mistake? Feels like my entire career life, rides on that question.
4
« on: July 02, 2012, 08:41:31 PM »
Day? I don't know what today is...
Time? Well.. From the sky it looks noonish.
Found another lined notebook.. Seems like a nice place to keep a journal - I miss writing a lot. The feel of a pen in my hand is relieving... Been under a lot of stress lately, but I'll pull through. I always do... I'm always expected to. I'm not allowed to quit, give up, or take a day off..
I'm expected to persevere - and not only that, but do so perfectly..
Sometimes, I feel like it's more than I can take... But then I remind myself that this isn't just who I'm expected to be, it's who I've become...
Enough about that though...
Something funny, you'd think citizens would learn not to go around attacking high ranking units? I was attacked twice today. The first one I had to let go because of extenuating circumstances.. But the second one, it seems, wasn't fast enough to dodge a 12 gauge shell to the chest.
Suppose this is all I'm going to write for today... I've got a damn weekly report to write, and a report on that last experiment to write as well, but the decryptor on my datapad seems to have fucked itself up to the point in which I can't access my Division's specific files anymore... Maybe GRID can fix it. Maybe I just need a new datapad. Wouldn't surprise me, considering this thing's been through hell with me...
To think of it, my datapad's been through grenade blasts, tons of falls, at least one firefight, lots of hand to hand, attack with blunt objects..
It's a bloody miracle I haven't broken this thing... Ah.. Well. Considering maybe it IS broken now it's a bit late to make that observation.
5
« on: May 30, 2012, 02:25:07 AM »
Aye. I'm an admin of a community that currently runs a Morbus server. (Or rather, hosts one. The Owner of the gamemode picks his own admins and completely manages the server I'm afraid.) So how on earth did you even get a copy? From what I understand he never intended it for public release.
6
« on: May 15, 2012, 08:31:09 PM »
@Renegade Plants are often sprayed with formaldehyde, not just weed. Tomatoes, vegetables, all of that good stuff is often dusted with it as an antimicrobial pesticide. Be afraid of your food now.
As to Journeyman, you're exactly right. As to everyone else, especially whoever made the Ron Paul comment, not saying that's WHY I support him, since I don't use any recreational drug, If weed was legalized tomorrow, would we all suddenly become helpless and just HAVE to go out and smoke a joint?
Use your heads. Marijuana isn't any different than tobacco or Alchohol in the sense that it's just as easy to say 'Lol, no" to, but it IS different considering it can be used to manufacture a WHOLE lot of goods at incredibly cheep prices because, Again, Marijuana is a goddamn weed. Weeds are so abundant that you can have a hard time getting RID of them. Growing them doesn't require all that much attention, nor special care and effort. That makes it a problem considering it can replace uses for things like cotton, which is more difficult to grow, and requires machining.
7
« on: May 14, 2012, 01:32:53 PM »
OOC: This journal has now been incinerated in the heart of the nexus, and information regarding it is nigh unrecoverable.
8
« on: May 11, 2012, 10:35:16 AM »
Entry #008, 5/11/2016
Just going to start leaving this at my apartment and writing in it while I'm off duty after work. Reason why? High Command is getting bitchy about written journals. I don't really see it as a big deal, and all the High Command units I know probably don't give a shit either. 050, 270, 211, My Division Leader, 717, 899, 619, None of them will give two shits about whether I detail my experiences in this little journal or whether I do it on console. Why? Because they don't really care to invade my privacy because they trust me without having to do so.
Other units of High Command either: Don't get it, Don't know me, or have sand in their vaginas, apparently. Started regular PT and Hand to Hand training today. It feels good, really good. On top of that I asked a VICE unit if he could help me replace my standard issue folding knife with a fixed bladed one that would be more useful for combat, and boy did he come through. This thing is like... 13 inches from one end to the other. It's sleek, silver and sexy too hehe. Holds an edge well, I haven't had to sharpen it that much.
Now that my injuries have recovered I'm hoping that they'll start letting me do 'real' ZEALOT work... Oh and err, apparently after having my medical checkup yesterday 350 says I have nerve damage from that grenade... Gah. I won't tell anyone. They'll think I'm not suited for combat operations or something. They'll think I'm too weak to operate on the levels required by ZEALOT Units. No bloody way, says I. Just going to have to train harder to make up for it...
9
« on: May 10, 2012, 05:00:16 PM »
Entry #007, 5/10/2016
Well, I helped wrap up that case just like I wanted. Turns out that the SHIELD DvL wasn't being a dick really, it was simply that for some reason my division had been barred from working on the investigation. Which is just wierd, he said to ask one of my superiors about City 18. Anyways, hit my wrist on the way down after that little bastard bit my leg... I think it's okay... Might have fucked up the mending process though so after they're done operating on 036 I'm going to ask them to X-ray it...
It's a calming sensation, being able to write in this journal. Feels a bit more personal. My legs getting easier to walk on, the bruises on it from fighting the COTA just ache when I put weight on it. But, the double doses of Codeine I've been taking help with me... To not really feel much. Those are pretty calming too. Just lets everything... Roll off your shoulders. Like water under the bridge.
Haven't got to see Nina, or err, 852 as much as I'd like to. I really miss her... I hope she gets her SOP today so I can be her patrol partner.
10
« on: May 10, 2012, 11:11:29 AM »
Although there's no rule against it, 04's should not go around acting like terminators.
Pic, please. That was because of several issues my character has with Turious, you don't seem to have any sort of overall grasp of my character. And I don't necessarily mind that, but if you're going to make accusations, get the full picture first. Turious commits violent crimes, muggings, beatings, killings, and then 999 was informed that he had multiple women in the same room, raping them repeatedly. A recruit would be pissed, let alone 999 who has serious issues regarding violent offenders, especially rapists. I /don't/ walk around like a terminator. Far from it my character's emotions fluctuate often. As for Statua, I had literally no idea my liver would be that fragile. I was under the impression it was cauterized, biogeled, fake fleshed and got a blood transfusion and literally in a few days I'd be right as rain. It's rather hard to patient RP well when you don't have that much knowledge of the post-surgery symptoms.
11
« on: May 09, 2012, 11:56:20 PM »
Entry #006, 5/9/2016
We apprehended a mass rapist tonight.
My good ol' pal Turious.
He was locking women inside an apartment in D6 and just raping them repeatedly at gunpoint... ZEALOT got their hands on him. More specifically, me and 899 did. I fucking hate rapists. Just the thought of it... The mental image of it ignites a deep, primal fucking rage within me. We sat him down in the interrogation room. 899 still had some use for this fucking little punk, so I didn't hurt him that much. Enough to make him have nightmares about me though I'll reckon. I can't wait for tomorrow. 899's told me I can't touch him tonight. That's fine. I can be patient when I need to be. He's all mine tomorrow, so I've got all tonight and tomorrow morning on how best to make him fucking pay for the lives he's ruined.
I don't know. I'll certainly sleep on it though. Not going to loose any sleep over making that little asshole bleed a bit, I'm not that weak. I hope I at least broke his nose with that palm strike.
12
« on: May 09, 2012, 08:35:47 PM »
Entry #005, 5/9/2016
Well, my body seems to be accepting my new liver just fine, according to SHIELD personnel. Had to put up 'Truth'. Had to, if I wanted to be in ZEALOT, so they tell me... I suppose we all make sacrifices. It'll be waiting for me when I'm a Division Leader, or, hell, maybe a CmD if I make it that far... I hope I make it that far. That's a true level of freedom. City wide Commander...
Had a few lengthy talks with the Civil Administrator, Doctor Richter. Seems like an okay guy, but wrong in some ways. Too keen on killing people, and too willing to... Sell his soul, really. He strikes me as that type. A bit shifty, black in the heart. I wouldn't trust him to have my back, to say the least.
In the latest news, the SHIELD Forensics team are getting a bit pushy. They lodged me out of my own case, which I was strictly pursuing as a ZEALOT Unit, because "The case got too deep for an 04 to handle." Puh-lease. They wouldn't have a goddamn case if I didn't get them off of their lazy asses in the first place. It's just bloody stupid that they'd get in my way of getting into ZEALOT by hijacking my investigation with out even a fuckin' thank you. The goddamn nerve of it. Bossy bastards.
13
« on: May 09, 2012, 03:24:38 PM »
"However, sparring with a COTA unit and losing horribly only causes you to be wounded, as you've stated in your logs. Those wounds, along with the other wounds you've sustained should have you sitting in a medical bed in a near comatose state, hooked up to life monitoring apparatus, not to mention multiple surgeries needing to be done, assuming you would even survive such things happening in such a short amount of time."
I wasn't aware getting a fractured rib, shrapnel in the leg, a fractured wrist, being stabbed in the hand, my face cut open or a liver transplant, would kill my character. It's not as if all of this happened at once - And I never said I was better trained or more elite than any other unit: But this unit does in fact spend time just about every day (Though, granted he hasn't been doing it recently due to his recent injuries) practicing his skills, and as stated before, this does gradually improve him. If an 01 doesn't practice a day in his life, realistically he isn't going to be some billy bad ass just because of his rank; that's a huge misconception. Authority, comes from rank, yes, but skill, physical conditioning, and to a certain extent mental conditioning stems from regular, disciplined practice.
Look at the 02's that were recently promoted up, some of them even promoted 3 times in 2 days. Realistically, they haven't magically become trained martial artists and marksman. They're still at the same skill level they were before they were promoted.
14
« on: May 09, 2012, 02:16:57 PM »
Might have well posted this on my logs, bud. That being said if you're upset about my character literally everything that's written in there has happened ICly.
1) It's NOT an overexaggeration that he's being personally trained by a Commander,
2) He was authorized by the Sectorial Commander himself to carry dual pistols,
3) The whole 'Notch under my pistols' thing was metaphorical, he doesn't put any tallies or anything else on his weapons,
4) Breaking IC CCA Laws is purely IC, and as such you really won't get BL'd for it unless you do some really stupid shit,
5) Again, EVERYTHING IN MY LOGS, has happened ICly. I've had multiple hand to hand skirmishes with a COTA Unit, I've been shot, stabbed, my face cut open, Grenaded, Attacked by a vortigaunt and more.
6) Character progression happens DYNAMICALLY, because every character is DIFFERENT.
7) If members of a certain division are told to keep paper copy logs, they're told to keep paper copy logs. Deal with it.
And last but not least, Number 8: Don't try to roleplay other's characters for them.
Thank you.
15
« on: May 09, 2012, 09:45:51 AM »
**The handwriting still seems sloppier than usual, but seems to be slightly better and more uniform.
Entry #004, 5/9/2016
Well, Nina joined Civil Protection. Recruit 852. I think I'm going to have her tag along with me while I do my duties with the excuse that I need an assistant since my wrist is fractured and I've got a bum leg. No one will likely question it, and I'll get to spend more time with her. My leg's slowly getting better. 261 told me that my wrist would heal in a couple weeks, which sucks because I can do literally zero Gun Kata training with only functional use of my left hand. Once my leg gets a bit better I'm going to resume physical training, probably focus more on kicks and evasion for hand to hand combat, possibly do some training in my knife work. I'll only be good enough when I can beat that damn COTA Unit. My injury from last fight was my own damn fault. But when I fight her with no injury, fresh training and a clear head, I won't let myself be beaten..
More importantly though, I think I did my first real ZEALOT assignment yesterday. I had to write a full length report on it and everything, I hope I did well. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'll prove my worth to them somehow.
The good news is that we found the location of that Vortigaunt due to my efforts. Her hiding place has been exposed... Now I'm only wondering if I could get her myself.. I know that 717 told me that I couldn't go undercover, but perhaps when I'm off-duty I could stumble across her and just happen to have my knife on me? Actually that's a really dumb idea, going after her when I'm still wounded like this I might get killed... But fighting that COTA Unit while I was injured I still almost came out on top. Which is more deadly: A moldy alien, or an elite soldier augmented to be a killing machine? Gonna go with the COTA Unit.
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